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Thursday, April 1, 2010

Almost Two Years, A Personal Reflection On Life




Next month it will be two years that I have been a widow. Because I have been working on my book, I've lost track of time.  I still saw the words, widowed before my sixith birthday as I wrote, then edited my book.  Now I realize I am older. Shocking. As shocking as it is that time has passed. I've been writing for almost as long. At first late at night to clear my head and deal with life and the quiet of my house. Then writing for the pleasure it gave me. Telling my story and living my story as I wrote it. My writing bringing me to the present. From widow to woman (or girl as I still like to be called). My old life as an antique dealer for the most part gone too. I still love a good treasure hunt, but for my house. My tiny booth is for recycling things that I am replacing. I am now a writer. Yes, I am self publishing my book, but that is not what makes me a writer. If I am lucky my book will bring warmth to those who read it. Like chatting with your best friend, telling your secrets, opening your heart. But writing has become a way of life for me now. I can't imagine not writing every day. When I took my screen play writing course, my teacher asked the class. Do you feel you have to write, that you can't escape it, that it is possessing you?  I shook my head and thought, not really. I am writing to heal myself and keep myself busy. Then somewhere it clicked. I must  write. I love to write. I live to write. So that is what makes me a writer. I love to write on this blog, my garden blog and I am writing on The Red Room, Where The Writers Are. My brain is spinning with things I want to put down on paper. I am a happy writer. I may make you cry with me on the way, but you will end up smiling after our visit. I dwell on the positive and want to share that.
Yes, I started dating shortly after my husband died. The Unfaithful Widow. But the reality of everything is that I like people, I like men (and that is sometimes hard with the dates I've met! You'll read about those). But finding my life, my place without my spouse was my answer. Not a replacement beau or husband. Maybe later. I had to do something extraordinary to deal with his death and the change in my life. So my book is that bridge for me. Writing my prince charming.
I write every night and send my heart out into the universe, hoping someone will be touched, someone will hear me. Maybe someone will laugh. Maybe cry. Maybe someone will realize they are not alone when reading my words.
I look at my widow blog and have to laugh. It should be my dog blog. How silly is that? But the inspiration and love I find with dogs is right up there with my writing. Both have rescued me.
Oh my, in August I'll be 62. I've had my broken heart, but I was lucky to have had so much time with my husband. I am lucky again that I have found myself through creativity and the love of dogs. My future, I plan to be surprised. But I am writing every day and there is a new book in the works.
I have a wooden plaque I found at the thrift store. Someone hand painted it. It hangs in my kitchen as a reminder that each day we have is a gift to be treasured.
Yesterday Is History,
Tomorrow Is A Mystery,
Today Is A Gift,
That's Why We Call It the Present.

Enjoy your present that is today. Send enough energy into the universe and let it bring you what you need. Smile and say thanks for this moment.
Those are the thoughts that keep me happy, that and six dogs who make every second a party at this house.


5 comments:

Micki said...

I don't know what I would do if I lost my husband as he is my soulmate. I am glad that you have enjoyment in your writing.
Micki

Mary said...

What a lovely, thoughtful post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Mary

forty-something chick said...

I enjoyed reading your blog, and congratulations on your upcoming book! So many changes in your life, and writing is such a great way to find meaning in it all....and a great way to begin the next chapter!
Thank you for reading my blog, too, and I look forward to following yours!

http://oldtweener.blogspot.com/

eddy said...

Very inspiring. Thank you for posting. My husband and I rescued 2 German Shepard dogs. Ginger looks was the first. She is a black and tan, now 5 years old and such a loving dog. She was only 13 months and suffered a bad demodectic mange when we rescued her. Now she is one happy bestfriend! The second one was Dargo, a black and tan GSD who was separated from his brother. Happy endings to both brothers for they found their forever homes. Dargo was also a puppy when he came into our lives. He is now a happy, silly 2 year old who loves having a big sister.

I lost my mother back in 1991 and we had a loving German Shepard dog named, "Lady". I believe that all animals are somewhat connected to the ones we love - I really do.

Sami said...

My mom is a widow as well, and I felt that she could have written this post. Your blog is fantastic, and congratulations on your book deal! You'll have to let us know when it's out and where to buy it. :)

(Also, hi from BlogFrog!)