Next month it will be two years that I have been a widow. Because I have been working on my book, I've lost track of time. I still saw the words, widowed before my sixith birthday as I wrote, then edited my book. Now I realize I am older. Shocking. As shocking as it is that time has passed. I've been writing for almost as long. At first late at night to clear my head and deal with life and the quiet of my house. Then writing for the pleasure it gave me. Telling my story and living my story as I wrote it. My writing bringing me to the present. From widow to woman (or girl as I still like to be called). My old life as an antique dealer for the most part gone too. I still love a good treasure hunt, but for my house. My tiny booth is for recycling things that I am replacing. I am now a writer. Yes, I am self publishing my book, but that is not what makes me a writer. If I am lucky my book will bring warmth to those who read it. Like chatting with your best friend, telling your secrets, opening your heart. But writing has become a way of life for me now. I can't imagine not writing every day. When I took my screen play writing course, my teacher asked the class. Do you feel you have to write, that you can't escape it, that it is possessing you? I shook my head and thought, not really. I am writing to heal myself and keep myself busy. Then somewhere it clicked. I must write. I love to write. I live to write. So that is what makes me a writer. I love to write on this blog, my garden blog and I am writing on The Red Room, Where The Writers Are. My brain is spinning with things I want to put down on paper. I am a happy writer. I may make you cry with me on the way, but you will end up smiling after our visit. I dwell on the positive and want to share that.
Yes, I started dating shortly after my husband died. The Unfaithful Widow. But the reality of everything is that I like people, I like men (and that is sometimes hard with the dates I've met! You'll read about those). But finding my life, my place without my spouse was my answer. Not a replacement beau or husband. Maybe later. I had to do something extraordinary to deal with his death and the change in my life. So my book is that bridge for me. Writing my prince charming.
I write every night and send my heart out into the universe, hoping someone will be touched, someone will hear me. Maybe someone will laugh. Maybe cry. Maybe someone will realize they are not alone when reading my words.
I look at my widow blog and have to laugh. It should be my dog blog. How silly is that? But the inspiration and love I find with dogs is right up there with my writing. Both have rescued me.
Oh my, in August I'll be 62. I've had my broken heart, but I was lucky to have had so much time with my husband. I am lucky again that I have found myself through creativity and the love of dogs. My future, I plan to be surprised. But I am writing every day and there is a new book in the works.
I have a wooden plaque I found at the thrift store. Someone hand painted it. It hangs in my kitchen as a reminder that each day we have is a gift to be treasured.
Yesterday Is History,
Tomorrow Is A Mystery,
Today Is A Gift,
That's Why We Call It the Present.
Enjoy your present that is today. Send enough energy into the universe and let it bring you what you need. Smile and say thanks for this moment.
Those are the thoughts that keep me happy, that and six dogs who make every second a party at this house.