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Sunday, May 18, 2014

The Merry Month Of May When The Widow Vs. WonderWoman

Ah, the month of May. I wrote about it in my memoir The Unfaithful Widow. It is a month that brought so much, then took so much, then put me back on my feet. I wondered if I should reminisce here, it is May again, or just stay with the 'new me' that feels more like Wonder Woman these days. But I would not be true to writing about my experiences if I let my thoughts go today. And if you know me, truth sets me free.

This blog started in December 2009 to get ready for the launch of my widow memoir. Everything I read about promotion for books enticed me to start early to have a small platform. This blog featured 'lessons learned' at the end of each post. My widow lessons learned came from lessons learned from my dogs. I loved adopting dogs so much, I now live with a pack of six rescue dogs that rescued me.

The month of May. How many memories can one month hold? It is the turning point for me each year to reflect. I met my husband in May all those many years ago. We married in May and had five years together as husband and wife, which added to the years we lived together, gave us a history of 25 years. He passed away in May 2008. In May 2009, I had a 'coming out' celebration at the house to celebrate my friends and all the love that was shared with me that year. I had just started my dog adoption frenzy, so there was just Foxy, the Grand Dame of small German Shepherds and Bray, my first rescue dog. It was easy to entertain in my house then with only two dogs.

Now, six years and six dogs later, it is harder to have people over, but I am working on it for my dog loving friends who are brave. As a mad collector of things, I kid, I could have a lovely tea party for six, and everyone could have their own Victorian silverplate tea service and a dog for their lap. My kind of tea party would also include a pitcher of Margaritas, so tasty with cheese straws and in tiny cups, so ladylike to keep sipping!

The Unfaithful Widow book launch was in May 2010 with a grand party at a friend's bed and breakfast and was an event/silent auction for Animal Action Rescue. I am still on their website under links we like. A very proud thing for me the crazy dog lady. We made some money for them that night. Every cent went to the folks that brought me Bray, and then some of my other dogs down the road. I had my first blog tour with WOW Women in Writing that month too. This May I am on tour with WOW again to promote my first fiction novel Danger In Her Words.

My wonderful Mother has her birthday on May 22nd. I can't forget that. It is a reminder how lucky I am to have her in my life. She reminds me you can do anything, be anything, at any age. She wrote when we were kids and went back to her writing roots at age 85. She will be turning 86 and has three books on Amazon with a fourth to come. Her website is Audrey Frank Author. She is the inspiration that keeps me moving forward thinking I can conquer the world, make my life what I want it to be, despite all the things that can go wrong, but can work for you if you leave your heart open.

Six years a widow this month. It seems so strange. At first the days seemed endless, how would I survive? Now I look back on all that has happened and wonder where the time has gone. I have the books I've written, my wonderful friends, both from years of knowing each other to new women who have enriched my life. I opened and closed an antique shop, The Little Shop of Arts and Antiques, that became a hub for writers and artists. I started a writers guild that still meets. A Book Talk blog to promote other authors.  I appeared in a snippet of an interview on Lifetime Television's The Balancing Act, a morning show for women. I blogged for them for several years. I sleep with dogs, hmm, not those bad dates I used to write about, but my wagging tail buddies that surround me with love.

I am in the same house, living a life close to home, that is as rich as any life I could ask for. My fears and loss made me step out of my comfort zone to do things I would never have done in the safety net of my marriage. But my marriage, my husband's constant for all those years, gave me a secure base to start from. It was about creating something good that would make sense of my loss.

Last August I turned sixty-five. I don't feel it. I do feel like an odd bird out some days, at my age there are no children, no grand kids, when most everyone I know, despite their marital status, has them. I wondered how life would be different if I'd had children. Then a new friend said to me she wondered what life would have been like if she didn't have her kids and grandchildren. There was food for thought for both of us. We decided we are happy where we are. Isn't that the best place to be in life? Happy.

Will I find someone again? It is still not my answer - although sometimes I think about it. What I found was me. I feel like Wonder Woman on so many levels.

I am blessed to have happiness. I am blessed to have the month of May to make me remember all that I loved, still love, and all that is yet to come.  A month that full has got to be a merry month!

Traded my widow crown for my Wonder Woman accessories. Wanting to be my own super hero.



Lisa Crandall said...

hi Barbara,

I wrote you on FB awhile back but never heard back from you. I just reread your book " Confessions of the
Unfaithful Widow" for the 2nd time. I can honestly say it is one of the books
I enjoyed reading after I lost my husband tom to cancer almost 7months ago after a 2+ year battle.i can say it is good to read books about women who are farther along in their journeys and are sounding happy and contented. I alternate between living in florida and Tennessee. I also used to live in Atlanta in midtown so when you talk about Decatur I know exactly where and what. Looking forward tom reading your new book!


Barbara said...

Lisa - I did not see your note on Facebook. I will go back and check. Thanks for touching base here. Would love to chat with you - so maybe we will hook up here or on Facebook!